I've been working a lot lately, since they've recently fired the framing manager who they recently hired to replace the original manager whom they also recently fired. Now they want me to take the manager position, but I decline. I decline. I decline. I decline.
I am sorry, but no thank you.
Anyway....... I have one half hour lunch break during my full day at work, wherein I get to rest my tired bones and sit down! (oh it's heaven!) Today I took the headset out of my ear and thought "
awww... silence!", but then I thought some more, and listened. I heard the air conditioner blowing. I heard the lights buzzing. I heard customers and loud music through the walls. I realized that it wasn't actually silent at all. My head felt cluttered with these things on top of the other thoughts and stresses going on in my mind.
I have a lot of those.
But I've been noticing this a lot lately. In my home there's a lot of noise too. I hear the people upstairs--the autistic kids and their tv shows, or my own. When its off, I hear computer fans and appliances. Even in my backyard I hear cars and sirens and people. I don't mind the sound of the birds so much, I love that.
What I'm trying to say is this...
The world rarely is totally silent. Maybe I just have ADD (I think I do, actually), but I find I have a lot of opposition when I'm trying to focus on my thoughts rather than on things going on around me. Its so easy to find entertainment and distractions to freely give my attention to. I never find time to forget about EVERYTHING and give myself a moment of meditation.
I used to love meditating in my younger years... I miss that.
Life is so hard, it just seems to get harder and harder over time, and taking time to meditate is something that eases my soul when I'm going through trials and hurdles.
And, well... This hymn gave me the answer I was looking for:
Where can I turn for peace?
Where is my solice?
When other sources cease to make me whole.
When with a wounded heart anger or malice
I draw myself apart, searching my soul.
Where when my aching grows
Where, when I languish
Where in my need to know, where can I turn?
Where is the quiet hand to calm my anguish?
Who who can understand?
He, only one.
He answers privately
Reaches my reaching.
In my Gethsemane, Savior and friend.
Gentle the peace he finds, so I beseech Him.
Constant he is and kind.
Love without end.
I am so grateful for this. For this Heavenly Father who will listen to my questions and hear my cries. He gives me peace in my heart that grows and spreads to every inch of my being until there are no distractions anymore. Just God and I, having a conversation through prayer.
It is a wonderful thing to have.
You know what? I think I've blogged about this before in connection to my job.
See here. Funny.
