.I'm a Mother Day

*my Mama holding me and Aunt Chris holding my cousin Jenny 1986

Have you ever felt like you've never been so content and fulfilled before in your life? Like you never realized it before, but something must have been missing? I do. And these days I feel like I really understand what it means whenever I hear people talk about how truly beautiful life is.

Life was wonderful before I was a mother (although I do believe I was a Mother before I had a baby), but I’ve never felt so whole and blissful in my life. I am eternally grateful to Ames for letting me be his Mother.

For Mother's Day I decided to share this little essay I wrote a year ago, when I was pregnant and had a little more time on my hands... enjoy?

Motherhood to Me

by Amber L Gusa

Motherhood is a desire. A mother is any woman who has the desire for children. She has the desire to hold and care for a newborn. She craves the opportunity to devote her life to another person—someone who resembles herself in some ways. She wants to have a home full of loving family members that care for each other and to hear their footsteps on every level, and in every room of her home. A mother prepares herself for a life of giving, before it has even begun, because she knows it can only get more difficult from there on out.

Motherhood is expecting and hoping. Mothers expect for months, but only focus on one small week of progress at a time. Looking at the bigger picture can be too daunting. A mother is always hoping for the best outcome. She ignores the stories of horror coming from those around her and settles into the idea that it’s different for everyone, and she'll make the best of whatever comes her way. A mother knows that women have been giving birth since the beginning of time, but she still feels that this is special and new. Not only hoping for herself, but for the new life that is coming, all while surrounded by a whirlwind of emotional and physical change. A mother knows that change is what life is built on.

Motherhood is receiving a gift from God. A mother receives a gift that makes her what she is—a gift that she has been praying, pining and laboring for. It is a gift that will bring joy and satisfaction to her life, for the rest of her life. She will claim a new soul to be sealed to for eternity.

Motherhood is working. A mother works even though she can't always see the good coming from it. She remembers that her children were brought here to learn and grow, and not just to bring joy. A mother's children teach her just as much as she teaches them. A mother knows that life isn't always wonderful. There are times of happiness and success, and times of hardship and sadness. A mother focuses on the times of goodness, for the sake of her sanity.

A mother is a partner and a friend to her children.

Motherhood is living a full life. Walking alongside her children, and in their shoes, through every climb and every fall they undertake. Sending her heart to every corner of the world where her loved ones choose to go. She watches as her children grow older and make their own choices, clenching her teeth with worry, but knowing they've learned everything they need from her. A mother is the starting point and the check-in point for her children. A mother’s children know she is always there as a guardian of their hearth.

Anyway, I'm no pro writer, but Happy Mother's Day!

Our weekend will surely be spent outdoors... I've got a big Mother's Day gift coming my way from Air-bear. Yay!